Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
