Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize