who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
