She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
