She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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