I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
