Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
