Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We were destined to go to rehab together
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
