I'm drive I can fine osifer
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
