i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
