this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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