Your mouth is God's brothel.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i came on her dog
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize