I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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