Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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