There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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