Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
