One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
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