What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
