Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
