the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
