why im i the only drunk person in the library?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
