my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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