I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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