Please, let me fuck your mom
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
