I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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