Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
