Tell her she can't have a vagina
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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