he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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