That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
