Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
