Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
