Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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