we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
In America we eat man semen.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
