My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
His nipple licking is glorious
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