Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
