no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i think im in europe. pls send help
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
