I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
