you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
