I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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