apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Randomize
