whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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