Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
