i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
