the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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