why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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