Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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