I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
third nipple confirmed
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
