I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
