she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
