I accidentally burped into my bong.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Quick, to the slutcave!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
