you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
