I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
