I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
