I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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