let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
