uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize